Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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