New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize