where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
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I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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