we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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