i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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