He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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