A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize