Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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