Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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