somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
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He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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