so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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