If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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