God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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