I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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