just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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