Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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