Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize