i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize