May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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