My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
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I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize