I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
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while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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