I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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