drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize