My liver just broke up with me...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
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remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
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My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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