I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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