JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
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i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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