cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
