He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
