no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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