I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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