Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
