So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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