bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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