no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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