Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Bring me that man meat
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize