Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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