Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
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There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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