Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Drake has all the answers
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize