So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize