1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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