I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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