I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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