i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize