I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize