I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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