Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
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look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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