I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize