Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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