he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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