A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize