The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize