Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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